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Going Mail Order Husband

Dating over 50: Starting a New Relationship? What All Women (and Men) Need to Know to Get it Right!


How are you able not do the same misunderstandings by understanding the error you attained, and i think that’s what’s revealing about my volumes is often we have these wow. I speculated i was doing the right thing and it sabotaged the relationship we’re doing our very best to give our partners what we would want , not undoubtedly what they’re necessitate most thanks for tuning back into 2nd behave. Tv today we’re continuing our discussion with the author of the best-selling best-known relationship book of all times. Men are from mars. Maidens are from venus, dr john gray, john. Thank you so much better for abiding over well , thank you so much well. I i just had so much fun on our last-place segment and we will obviously link to that. Our focus. There was the new challenges that we go through after 50 in a long-term marriage. You know so many marriages are breaking up and you imparted some great uh great insight into what really happens in long-term relationships and what we need to understand. I want to change gears on this segment and go with all those people over 50

It’S it’s staggering also how many people over 50 are single and are starting over and are trying to find love again in the purposes of the your pit. You have two records, one well. You have lots of volumes, but the ones that we’re referencing right now beyond taints and venus, which is keeping it together. And then you had to say off camera, which i didn’t know you had a book on starting over. So in that context, how do we start over? After 50, and not realise the same missteps, oh well, well, that’s the best thing is not offset the same misconceptions. How are you able not conclude the same missteps by understanding the error you concluded, and i think that’s what’s revealing about my volumes is often we have these wow. I saw i was doing the right thing and it sabotaged the relationship because so much of the time we do leant our very best into a relationship and when it doesn’t work, then that turneds us and then we start gathering apart. But it’s often we’re doing our very best to give our partners what we would want , not inevitably what they’re need most so understanding our divergences starts a long way, but now, let’s understand, let’s concentrates on some of the differences between men and women and starting over. This is very revealing and helpful. Statistically, generally speaking, maidens take nine years if ever to start to get married again or get in a serious relationship. Okay, so there’s it and then three years subjects are yeah. There’S a speedy now speedy answer to that is that humen are more visual and they’re not dependent on someone doing something for them. They just see it and want it when it comes to sex and men are very much aware that they need sex in order to feel alive. Women are not as aware that they need sex to feel alive, they need to feel cherished to feel alive and then that compassion results them to sex. So we all demand gender, but quite often brides have more requirements before they find the part of them that requires sexuality. I retain i used to say to my partner: let’s have intercourse and she said: oh i’m not in the mood, and i would take it so personally and then until i has recognized that brides aren’t neces, you have to help women get in the mood. So i am only practise this for the men listening, “i m saying”: well, is there a part of you that wants to have sex with me and she’d always say well sure, there’s a part of me. Well, let’s talk about that part of you. So let’s hold discussions about that and ironically then she would start talking about all the reasons she didn’t want to have sex, but as she got to express what she felt without any earnestnes on my surface, then what would happen is her. Estrogen heights come up and her hope for sex awakens maids have to have higher estrogen elevations than guys to be in touch with their desire for gender, and we spoke that in the last segment, but quick discus wives need more estrogen. Servicemen need more testosterone now. What arouses estrogen is depending on someone and when a woman violates up and starting over now, she depends on herself she’s used to whatever expanse she could depend on her character, but now she’s alone, and when you’re alone, you constitute testosterone when you’re independent you prepare testosterone And testosterone lowers estrogen and a woman can’t grow and trust and fall in love unless her estrogen elevations doubled from 10 epoches a man’s okay, so she’s not gon na. You know wives “ve been told”, i satisfy these wonderful people, they’re nice, i feel like. I should be in a relationship and good-for-nothing clicks. I can’t fall in love. I hear it all the time on mentions all the time just like it doesn’t happen, and what it is is that you’re so used to being independent once you’re independent you’re kind of caught in this bind, whereas men when they’re independent they thrive through that okay. So i hear girls deploring my husband. He was like a loafer and now he got he’s got haircut. He reduces, he gets brand-new outfits. You know he’s working out in the gym. He lost 20 pounds. What happened you are well aware really he’s, got a girlfriend right away. Yeah. What am I chopped, liver or something, and that that in itself also hurts females, because they don’t understand that you know men can feel sexual desire. Without saying i love you deep, we are walking feeling it all the time, specially when we feel alone once we’re in a united affinity. Our desire can become less so. Here’S this person, you’re married to and he’s no longer having gender with you and his boom. He separates now he’s horny. What happened? He needed separation and one of the error she has been possible to established in the relationship is not commit him that breakup see it’s just like she examine. What does it “ve been meaning to” not leave a serviceman? Separation and in subjects are from mars. I talk about. Men are like rubber bands, they want to get close and then they move back now, if, when he gets close and he gathers away, you go after him, the rubber band never elongates so he’ll spring back. Is that mortals need to feel distance in order to feel desire and when they feel desire their testosterone goes up. So what happens? A guy gathers apart. Here’S what she can do. She can go. Try to satisfy him and get him back. That’S seeking him! You don’t follow lovers, you let men prosecute you see if you’re going after them. It cripples their hunger for you and they don’t ligament with you. So this is women who pursue people after 50, because your testosterone ranks are higher. You crave a relationship you pursue these men, they won’t enter into commitments, they don’t alliance with you and it’s because they didn’t seek you now, there’s another type of person which we’re just talking about who’s interested in you and follows you, but it does nothing for you. Okay, so mostly your estrogen heights don’t go up because you’re too far on your male back, so how to fall in love again and and how to be motivated. First of all, don’t wait nine years to get involved start date now. Okay, right there are men who are interested in you and you’re not turned on to them or that interested in them. They’Re, neat, they’re, safe. Those are the guys you want to date. You say yes, oh, that would be so nice. You may feel nothing. No sexual desire , no fascination at all they’re safe, and maybe you feel, a little respect or an admiration for what they’ve done in their life. Okay, that’s you need a few requirements, but these these are the guys that are have you know, they’re good, a good job or they worked hard they’re somewhat nice. You know polished, they made some money and they’re interested in you say yes , now. What you do is you rehearse these skills that we’ll talk a little bit about, but are in the beyond spoils in venus volume. The talents are, don’t haunt a humankind more than he engages you don’t parties delight. So what that implies is every date. The exchange is expressing a different point of view from him. Don’T try to please him and agreed to accept him. You have to experience being an genuine being, because why did your wedding neglect before because you devoted so much of yourself you adapted for your collaborator. You gave you need to experience that i am charming without is everything. I am lovable adjusting myself, but i’m likewise love, because i don’t inappropriately express myself. So this is part of what girls also go into, which is i’m tired of having to be a doormat or conform for a guy. I’M going to say what i think and what i feel yeah do that as long as you’re not trying to convince him as long as you’re not trying to change him as long as you’re , not arguing with him. You can very happily see that’s where the tension comes instead of you can’t merely dump whatever you think and feel unless you do it in a neat style, which is that’s a good idea. I can see your point on that. I have a completely different point of view and say your point of view with no feeling or dependence on him. Agreeing with you. That’S the most attractive thing, and the committee is also procreates you happy you get to be yourself, but there’s an art to being yourself without trying to change someone. The flip side of this is authenticity is divulging what you think, but likewise what you feel now revealing. What you feel is a major estrogen stimulator. Okay, you can measure a woman’s estrogen degrees before she comes to a counseling hearing with me and they’ll shoot up. Tears will come to her attentions because anytime, a woman is stressed, there’s cries under it. Yeah there’s vulnerability, there’s, there’s dejections, there’s sadness! There’S concerns, there’s anxieties and often over 50. Naturally, your estrogen degrees have been lashes down by an unsuccessful affair. So it’s even hard to feel those articulated those feelings. So in a relationship what you need to do is, as it becomes a little bit more intimate. You first had events whatever it is you make him do things for you, you’re, the independent gal. You don’t need somebody to open the car door for you, you can do it yourself right, big girl, yeah. No , no! You stand by the car door and really standing there and he said. Wait. You want me to open the door. Of direction you know. I’M a little old-fashioned. It feels is right to me when you’re not around. I can certainly open the car door. I are make love for you i like to have you do that for me commonwealth your floor, that’s what adventure is but first understand the whole point of relationship is when a gentleman does interesting thing for you, so that you don’t have to make love. It raises estrogen. Now i remember with bonnie. I would open the card with my bride bonnie open the car door for her. You know she said i can do that myself. I said no , no! Let me get it on. You do so much for so many beings and for me tonight let me just take care of you. I love you visualize what a difference that is, it’s not like i’m weak, and i need you to do it like that. I need you to do it to feel good to get my estrogen back up to come back to my female back, where i can feel that other people are doing things for me rather than i’m doing everything for them. Yeah! That’S! That’S such a great point. I’Ve got so many so much of that you can’t help, but have it you know internalize what you say, because that that was me more. The you know a lot of days on on the date videos that we do uh. What comes up a lot, i’m interested. What your take on that might be! You is a well-known fact that like who pays for the first date, and and it’s really not about the money, it’s about the really the gesture. Isn’T it utterly utterly? If a person invites you to dinner, he compensates if you invite him to dinner, or we come together, go somewhere cheap and divide the greenback. Okay and then, if he offers take it okay, but but don’t simply offer to do it never offer to do it. Basically, the proposal goes there. Let it sit there for a while, then become use the restroom and come back and see if it’s been paid. If it hasn’t been paid, then say: oh you miss it. Oh, are you wanting to share the bill and you have to realize it? Maybe he’s not cheap but he’s afraid of insult you. Some females will be offended if a gentleman wants to pay the bill, you know we’re walking on like thin ice all the time. Now we don’t know where you’re coming from and so there’s a graciousness to that which is just let it sit here until he grabs it and where reference is grasps it. Oh, how delightful of you? How? Oh that’s nice! I truly appreciate that you know i’m kind of old-fashioned. I really like that. Yes investigate. Yes, it’s a soft touch. It’S a soft touch, rendering him subtle messages of where you come from, and it won’t be offensive to you and two. It feels is right to you. Humanities. Don’T recognise how friendship proliferates , nor do women it’s when a guy does something for you. That’S how your estrogen stages move up. It’S not you doing things for him. If you’re doing things for him, it’s not you’re. Now the man you don’t want to pursue the man. Now you get to some of these men are just oh they’re, insecure, you are well aware , nobody’s perfect liberty, and so they don’t pursue you. So you are willing to a person because i said don’t haunt humanities, but you are willing to a chap you can pursue by being. What’S what i call in my dating book, i have a book called defaces venus on a date, so when you’re the dating process, we’ll link to that more tip-off, okay, so but it’s called proceptivity proceptivity is letting him know you’re asserting yourself, making him know in certain Ways that you’re approachable to him that if he was to ask you on a time, you’d say yes, if you want to kiss me i’m open to that okay, so you are able to do that. You know it used to be enough at that. You “ve known you” meet some chap, a delightful year and you sort of look towards him and “ve been looking for” at him like that, and that represents, if you kiss me it’s okay, but people “il be going”. Why is she staring at me? So you are well aware so you you have to kind of. Let them know give them little tips. You know it’s okay. You know i like that, just something like that, so time move a little closer and a little closer, a little closer yeah yeah. We didn’t get the message you have to realize we’re, so you know time on the other extreme we’re like these bad people now you know and it’s we’re afraid, we’re afraid of make the wrong thing or stroking you’re saying the wrong thing. Of trend, then, there’s some people that aren’t they’re so old-fashioned that that what you do then, is you laugh at them. Well, that’s kind of old-fashioned. Well, that’s kind of nonsensical, and, and what you need to know is that when you’re, when you’re in the dating situation and you’re the status of women, this is how attraction originates in a health nature. First, in your sentiment, you find him safe. You find him interesting, his good character, diplomata and one of them is, he makes a living he’s not dependent on you for fund. That’S certainly very important. It’S not the ultimate important, but you know perhaps he’s a super, talented master and precisely doesn’t know how to make money, and you happen to be an heiress to a great fortune. You could. You could have a great relationship with him as long as you used him. Certainly not for money, but you used him for psychological realization, sure so yeah and that’s where this whole key, i’m talking about intimacy, is getting servicemen to do things for you and then getting in style. If you’re on your male slope, more important is not him doing things for you or affording things for you, it’s going to be a kind of emotional support and that’s the soul. Mate thing we’re all looking for is where you can feel i can bear my feeling and one is. I can express my opinion safely. Then i can ask for what i demand and get it practice asking for things, and then i can reveal more intimately the various kinds of spirits inside that i wouldn’t tell anybody about. Okay, that that’s real friendship, yeah, that’s the prologue to sex visualize sexuality is, is showing your figure that you don’t prove to everybody else. Generally speaking, maids wear robes and they disguise from they’re secrete. You know, basically, i’m afraid of anybody. Judging me and resentment , not investigating me as beautiful, but i rely you so i’m going to get naked with you well before. If you want as you get older, perhaps you don’t want to be so naked, but you want to be emotionally naked. That’S what keeps the passion alive and i’ll time throw in since i i got to that place about our mass as we get older. Well, we are familiar females feel less and less alluring on many levels because they don’t look like those young 24 year olds. They used to be the skin’s, so smooth, the body’s, so supple and all those things what you have to understand is followers. If you’re, the only naked female in the room to him you’re hundreds of thousands of bucks, we don’t have of the ruling of you as soon as we get turned on. We don’t guess your body in any way, specially if we love you, the the copulation lust, acquires you into a goddess. You you just can’t imagine you can’t even ever imagine how stunning it is just like i could not imagine you know you see you recognize. In hollywood, are you you see around the world, sometimes in brand-new york and where you get these rich men and they’re overweight, and hitherto brides love them? It’S the supremacy. Okay power is an aphrodisiac and what is the power? It represents she’s safe right. When the status of women feels safe in the presence of a gentleman, then suddenly her estrogen tiers get, i’m safe and estrogen goes up. I can is dependent upon him to protect me. It’S a very deep, deep thing, so you could care less how good he searches. As a matter of fact, these pretty boys, often women, aren’t turned on to them. It’S race, too much competition he’s looking at himself. I demand him looking at me, but what you have to know is that when you’re, the uh exactly your torso, your femininity, your love to man, if you’re, the only woman in the room now outside that office, he may be looking at other women all the time. But he’s not deliberation i want to marry them he’s , not belief. I want to be in a relationship with them and when he has you naked, he doesn’t think about those other women and if he does they pass across. But it’s literally “youre ever” it and you can’t imagine that you just have to believe it and i’ll tell you the funny story where i learned this. I was patronizing for my spouse at victoria’s confidential and invited the person at the bar. Tell me any funny stories. You’Ve hear – and she says this is the short-spoken edition: three overweight, 65 to 75 year old gals are now in doing two of them doing their functional white underwear. They go up and a big large-scale bra and then the other one is we’re buying negligees and sexy underwear and lace, and all that and the other two women look at her with disgust and say what are you, what are you putting that on you’re old you’re Fat you’re not sexy. What do you think you’re doing and the status of women with confidence says you don’t understand men when you’re the only naked dame in the room to him yeah hundreds of thousands of bucks. Just remember that, because you need to to be attractive, you have to have confidence that i deserve to be loved, so you turn the lights down. You turn in some naughty robes and you gradually take them off and then make it be a gradual thing so that you feel he’s enough to get aroused. He has to have his erection and then you’re a goddess, but it takes time for that to happen. Okay, so many gals are gon na really utterly love hearing whatever it is you just said, because that is that is so gargantuan. You know, and i get it on this path. Of course, all the time, through the comments and some of the programming we do is the the lack of confidence, a loss of confidence. It’S it’s it’s sad, it’s very sad, uh we’re starting to come again. I want to be really submissive of your time. I could talk to you forever, there’s so many other topics, i’d love to explore with you uh, but getting back out there. I want to go back to one thing that you said about ladies not following subjects, but is that true how else on date sites are you saying dames not induce the first move, or are you “re saying formerly a relationship once you start not to well the Nice thing about dating sites is, you can be proceptive by sending a message to a person? That’S all just a short message, and so is free. If you’re in, if you’re, in a public place uh, what you do is you have a card and you say call me, give him the choice to call him now that you’re afraid well what if he doesn’t call you well he’s just not into you yeah, then So you haggard na you, basically that’s your first move and he says call you know, that’s you meeting move forward towards him. So if he says here’s, my figure request me, you say no, here’s! My number, you call me, okay, you don’t announce him, he announces you and to be recognised that followers will do this. They will get close to you and have a wonderful evening with you and then they don’t think about you for various weeks and you’ll. Take that personally, because you’re thinking did you like me, did you not like me what’s going on because you tend to bond more he ligament and then, when followers bond their rubber bands, they have to pull away so then, where reference is draws away while he’s away? If you say what’s wrong with you, why didn’t you call me and slap his hand for that? He preserves gathering apart and a lot of men formerly two weeks pass they’re kind of like oh my gosh. If i call her she’s going to be pissed off at me for not calling back because women often are like what am i zero, you didn’t want to call me. You didn’t talk to me again so and often they’ll say right after a appointment, they’ll say: oh, i can’t wait to talk to you again because they feel you wanting to hear that, but then they they need their meter. The seat to notice. To think about you reflect on you, and that will eventually happen once his testosterone comes back up, it’s already happening for you a date the next day last-minute. What do you think about that music? It forms more of a longing inside of you where reference is pushes apart at that point and he’s not feeling that longing until his testosterone comes back up. He calls you up and you swipe his hand he’s had that happen, so he doesn’t call you back. So here’s what you do you transport it wait a week and then you send a little observe. Just a little note, little text just say: hey “ve been thinking about” you. I was just at such and such so so we had so much fun. That was it just thinking about you, that’s all and then show picture of you having fun. He retains. Oh, this is a woman who has fun. This is a woman who’s happy. I need a fortunate lady in my life because men are drawn to wanting to see brides happier. That’S our goal in lifetime, our goal in man, whether we know it or not, is to offset brides joyful, but actually it’s to make her happier, because you can’t make a woman glad. You can only offset her feel bad if you don’t know how to allow her to find her gaiety, one dating tip-off. I know our time is coming to and i want to rush it constrict it in now when you date. This is my basic thing. I say it over and over create a series of positive, dating suffers without looking for a soul mate without looking for the right man, it’s very important. If you come to my house, for example, you’ll see it’s beautiful and i’ll, give you a tour of all the art and everything okay huge. But if you come to my house and you want to buy it, you’re going to look for the faucets labour. Does the what’s the gas proposal? What’S the irrigate bill? What’S it take to maintain the garden? Does it have mold in it? Are there cracks in the foundation? Your brain goes into a bias of focusing on negativity when you’re looking to buy something just know. You can’t help it so don’t go looking for the right man you want to. You want to go for somebody who’s going to pay for dinner, for you you just wanted to. If i’m talking to women – and then you just wanted to precisely you – have an attraction towards a woman get to enjoy her proximity when you’re doing things for her there’s nothing better for men’s testosterone to got something for a woman and have her say what a love to Be with you, i’m so lucky to have met you. Oh that’s! So, delightful of you! Oh thank you so much. You know it’s feeling that you make a difference, and women can do that in a huge way for a male, but this the thing is, he needs to have a job he needs to keep working. He need to use. Even if it’s kindnes succeed he’s got plenty of coin. What is he doing to feel good , not is contingent upon my wife, otherwise you’re sitting around depending on each other for too much? It get dead right well in that regard, and to close it out. How would you caution lovers on that, though, because you might be surprised if, while this channel is supposed to was originally a program for women, we have almost a 70 male public: okay, terrific all right! So now here’s how it goes and that’s men having more estrogen and more tie-in familiarized okay, so here’s a game you can play this is for both women and men. Okay, it’s a game! You can play for poising your hormones. You need to get your testosterone tiers up gentlemen. You need your cave go. You need to get away from her. Do things with other guys literally go out of the house. Go play golf uh, you are well aware, proceed drive your car driving your auto is a really good thing uh, peculiarly if you don’t have to talk while you’re doing it have a hobby. Your pastimes that are not dependent on your wife’s approval to feel good in any way. Then you’ll miss your wife. More bring your testosterone up then go play this game, so the game is called the genie in the bottle. The genie in the bottle is for 20 minutes you’re. The genie now genies are all strong, just think the person who stands there. Like mr cleanse, i can do anything for you, you as there is a desire. I will provide whatever it is you crave so for 20 minutes, she’s not allowed to is everything for herself if she wants to eat, “youve got to” feed her and she and you don’t feed her unless she asks you pick up your broccoli. I, like some broccoli now or clean up the kitchen. Would you move the foods here? Would you move that box over here gon na go in the garage or clean off that shelf? Would you move that here “youve got to” for 20 minutes a humanity can be. I am your genie, i’m, like you know, i think of myself when i play it, i’m kind of like the first class attendant. You know when i get in first class in an airplane – oh mr gray, you’re here, dr gray, so nice to have you back. What would you like i’m here for you the whole time only give me a little call you guys. I don’t need anything but still they’re, so amiable right. So that’s who you are you’re the genie in the bottle. She has to rub the bottle, which entails she has to ask for help. Everything is she has to ask for help? She can’t do anything for herself for 20 minutes now. You don’t ask for help like and always remember, to turn the lights out or ever remember to do this. That’S outside the 20 -minute limit so and when i teach this, i’m teaching it to women, but also i’m teaching it of both men and often sometimes people say well. What’S a good activity for men, i say that is the exercise for men. Men want to feel successful in such relationships, and it’s her charm and it’s her rapture when he does these little things for her, as opposes it our conditioning is we have to do big things and not interesting thing. Little things is nothing. It’S spooky. It’S alter. I hurl my alteration apart. What do i need? A little vary for women need the little reform the things you did when you were poor, the things you did when you were beginning the relationship. Those are the things that actually stimulate estrogen, the most so for the men to understand. This is core basic foundation, understanding for women to be happy. They need estrogen. If a woman has low-pitched estrogen, you can give her 50. Heightens are one rose and it will have no effect. Okay, if she has normal estrogen, you throw her 50 climbs. Her estrogen will spike and she’ll move. Oh that’s! So, nice. If she has normal estrogen render her one rose and it will spike the same, so large-scale or little you’ll get a big estrogen response. If you have no estrogen in her, then you do. You have to slowly build it up by do more things. If you do 50 heightens, you get a little spike. If you do one rose, you get a little spike. So do one grow one hug one compliment one noticing her one tendernes. One strategy a era, one caller during the day one send her a text. One transport her a draw. One take a picture. Taking a video is a big thing more. I want to remember this moment. Click click click. You know all these things build her estrogen where she goes, i’m being control, i’m being heard, i’m being supported. Ask her about her daytime when she talks, don’t talk when she talks say something like promotion me is clear that better, that’s a billion dollar phrase help me understand that better and then what else really “ve been told” more each time she varies the subject: estrogen’s going higher and Higher and higher – and you had no idea a mortal ponders. Oh, i did this big thing. It should be worth three weeks of estrogen. No, it’s just one little part lots of little things, and this is and it’s not the big stuff, it’s a little material and then go to your cave. You still get your cave experience, but give her know that when you’re in your cave, if ever she needs facilitate, she can interrupt you. If you need – and women should know that, and if he’s staying too long in the cave, how do you get him out of the cave? Because the woman say how do i get him out of the cave? Don’T cause him simply sit in there? Let him sit in there because formerly he’s happy, he doesn’t move okay, humankind we’ll just say this feels good i’ll, just stay here, so you say when you’re out of your cave or when you’re not is everything or when you get a chance , no distres. When you get a chance, i need your help. The wizard motto all the men penetrating inside wants to be a helper and if he doesn’t it’s because he’s never get paid well, that’s “i m loving” it. I adore it john. I i again i could talk to you forever. I know you’ve got other parties lined up now. After me, it was an absolute revelled, we’re clearly going to link to all your books uh, especially the beyond taints and venus, which you’ve revised since uh. You are aware of the iconic freeing of men are from taints. Gals are from venus, and i hope that i’ll have another chance to get you back on now, because there’s a pair things that i was. I wants to speak to you about some more so well. The first thing you said: i want to remind everybody. If you don’t want to repeat the same pattern, you have to recognize how you contributed to the problems, because it’s so easy to say: well, he’s their own problems or she’s the problem, and that’s why i culminated the relationship. No, it’s both of us were the problem. Then you have a chance to start making a new kind of relationship great well, and on that document john , thank you so much and i hope to see you again soon on 2nd number. Tv if there’s a topic that you’d like to have us cover. Please visit our website 2ndact. tv. 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It’S it’s staggering too how many beings over 50 are single and are starting over and are trying to find love again in the context of your hole. You have two journals, one well. You got a lot of works, but the ones that we’re referencing right now beyond impairs and venus, which is keeping it together. And then you told me off camera, which i didn’t know you had a book on starting over. So in that context, how do we start over? After 50, and not originate the same misunderstandings, oh well, well, that’s the best thing is not start the same missteps. How can you not form the same mistakes by understanding the error you cleared, and i think that’s what’s revealing about my records is often we have these wow. I pondered i was doing the right thing and it sabotaged the relationship because so much better of the time we do made our very best into such relationships and when it doesn’t work, then that turneds us and then we start gathering apart. But it’s often we’re doing our best to give our partners what we would want , not undoubtedly what they’re require most so understanding our differences extends a long way, but now, let’s understand, let’s focus on some of the differences between men and women and starting over. This is very revealing and useful. Statistically, generally speaking, maidens take nine years if ever to start to get married again or get in a serious relationship. Okay, so there’s it and then three years humankinds are yeah. There’S a quick now quick answer to that is that husbands are more visual and they’re not dependent on someone “ve got something” for them. They just see it and require it when it comes to sex and men are very much aware that they need sex in order to feel alive. Gals are not as aware that they need sex to feel alive, they need to feel enjoyed to feel alive and then that passion heads them to sex. So we all require copulation, but quite often women have more requirements before they find the part of them that craves fornication. I remember i used to say to my wife: let’s have sex and she said: oh i’m not in the mood, and i would take it so personally and then until i has recognized that females aren’t neces, you have to help women get in the mood. So i would rehearse this for the men listening, i say: well, is there a part of you that wants to have sex with me and she’d always say well sure, there’s a part of me. Well, let’s talk about that part of you. So let’s have a conversation about that and ironically then she would start talking about all the reasons she didn’t want to have sex, but as she got to express what she felt without any impatience on my area, then what would happen is her. Estrogen tiers come near and her lust for copulation awakens maidens have to have higher estrogen heights than soldiers to be in touch with their passion for fornication, and we talked about that in the last segment, but quick remember women need more estrogen. Somebodies need more testosterone now. What induces estrogen is depending on someone and when a woman breaks up and starting over now, she depends on herself she’s used to whatever level she could is dependent upon her constituent, but now she’s alone, and when you’re alone, you clear testosterone when you’re independent you conclude testosterone And testosterone lowers estrogen and a woman can’t grow and trust and fall in love unless her estrogen levels doubled from 10 meters a man’s okay, so she’s not gon na. You know maidens “ve been told”, i converge these wonderful servicemen, they’re nice, i feel like. I should be in a relationship and good-for-nothing clicks. I can’t fall in love. I hear it all the time on observes all the time just like it doesn’t happen, and what it is is that you’re so used to being independent once you’re independent you’re kind of caught in this bind, whereas followers when they’re independent they prosper through that okay. So i hear females complaining my husband. He was like a slob and now he got he’s got haircut. He scrapes, he gets brand-new outfits. You know he’s working out in the gym. He lost 20 pounds. What happened you know time he’s, got a girlfriend right away. Yeah. What am I chopped, liver or something, and that that in itself likewise hurts maidens, because they don’t understand that you know men can feel sexual desire. Without saying i love you deeply, we are walking feeling it all the time, peculiarly when we feel alone once we’re in a connected relationship. Our desire can become less so. Here’S this chap, you’re married to and he’s no longer having sexuality with you and his boom. He separates now he’s horny. What happened? He needed separation and one of the error she has been possible to stirred in the relationship is not throw him that dissociation see it’s just like she learn. What does it mean to not hold a man? Separation and in lovers are from defaces. I talk about. Men are like rubber bands, they want to get close and then they pull away now, if, when he gets close and he draws apart, you go after him, the rubber band never unfolds so he’ll spring back. Is that males need to feel distance in order to feel desire and when they feel desire their testosterone goes up. So what happens? A chap pulls away. Here’S what she can do. She can go. Try to satisfy him and get him back. That’S pursuing him! You don’t seek lovers, you let men haunt you see if you’re going after them. It lessens their lust for you and they don’t bail with you. So this is women who pursue husbands after 50, because your testosterone heights are higher. You demand a relationship you haunt these men, they won’t make a commitment, they don’t ligament with you and it’s because they didn’t follow you now, there’s another type of subject which we’re just talking about who’s interested in you and seeks you, but it does nothing for you. Okay, so mostly your estrogen elevations don’t go up because you’re too far on your male surface, so how to fall in love again and and how to be motivated. First of all, don’t wait nine years to get involved start date now. Okay, right there are men who are interested in you and you’re not turned on to them or that interested in them. They’Re, neat, they’re, safe. Those are the guys you want to date. You say yes, oh, that would be so nice. You may feel nothing. No sexual desire , no pull at all they’re safe, and maybe “youre feeling”, a little respect or an admiration for what they’ve done in their life. Okay, that’s you need a few requirements, but these these are the guys that are have you know, they’re good, a good job or they worked hard they’re somewhat respectable. You know civilized, they made some money and they’re interested in you say yes , now. What you do is you practise these skills that we’ll talk a little bit about, but are in the beyond spoils in venus diary. The sciences are, don’t seek a male more than he pursues you don’t beings please. So what that necessitates is every date. The gossip is expressing a different point of view from him. Don’T try to please him and agreed to accept him. You have to experience being an genuine party, because why did your marriage neglect before because you caused so much better of yourself you adjusted for your collaborator. You gave you need to experience that “i know i m” winsome without is everything. I am lovable adjusting myself, but i’m too adorable, because i don’t inappropriately express myself. So this is part of what girls too go into, which is i’m tired of having to be a doormat or conform for a soldier. I’M going to say what i think and what i feel yeah do that as long as you’re not trying to convince him as long as you’re not trying to change him as long as you’re , not arguing with him. You can very happily see that’s where the tension comes instead of you can’t really dump whatever you think and feel unless you do it in a neat channel, which is that’s a good thought. I can see your point on that. I have a completely different point of view and say your point of view with no affection or dependence on him. Agreeing with you. That’S the most attractive thing, and it also concludes you happy you get to be yourself, but there’s an artistry to being yourself without trying to change someone. The flip side of this is authenticity is uncovering what you think, but likewise what you feel now revealing. What you feel is a major estrogen stimulator. Okay, you can measure a woman’s estrogen grades before she comes to a counseling conference with me and they’ll shoot up. Tears will come to her attentions because anytime, a woman is stressed, there’s cries under it. Yeah there’s vulnerability, there’s, there’s letdowns, there’s sadness! There’S concerns, there’s dreads and often over 50. Naturally, your estrogen tiers have been strikes down by an unsuccessful liaison. So it’s even hard to feel those articulated those feelings. So in a relationship what you need to do is, as it becomes a little bit more intimate. You firstly had events where you cause him do things for you, you’re, the independent girl. You don’t need somebody to open the car door for you, you can do it yourself right, big-hearted girlfriend, yeah. No , no! You stand by the car door and precisely standing there and he said. Wait. You want me to open the door. Of trend you know. I’M a little old-fashioned. It feels is right to me when you’re not around. I can certainly open the car door. I can certainly get it on for you i like to have you do that for me nation your grind, that’s what woo is but first understand the whole point of fantasy is when a adult does little things for you, so that you don’t have to make love. It produces estrogen. Now i retain with bonnie. I would open the card with my spouse bonnie open the car door for her. You know she said i can do that myself. I said no , no! Let me do it. You do so much for so many parties and for me tonight let me just take care of you. I love you interpret what a difference that is, it’s not like i’m shaky, and i need you to do it like that. I need you to do it to feel good to get my estrogen back up to come back to my female place, where i can feel that other parties are doing things for me rather than i’m doing everything for them. Yeah! That’S! That’S such a great point. I’Ve go so many so much of that you can’t help, but have it you know internalize what you say, because that that was me very. The you know a lot of seasons on on the dating videos that we do uh. What comes up a lot, i’m interested. What your take on that might be! You is a well-known fact that like who pays for the first year, and and it’s really not about the money, it’s about the really the gesture. Isn’T it utterly perfectly? If a gentleman invites you to dinner, he pays if you invite him to dinner, or we get together, go somewhere cheap and divide the bill. Okay and then, if he offers take it okay, but but don’t exactly offer to do it never offer to do it. Basically, the greenback is right there. Let it sit there for a while, then depart use the restroom and is coming and see if it’s been paid. If it hasn’t been paid, then say: oh you require it. Oh, are you wanting to share the bill and you have to realize it? Maybe he’s not cheap but he’s afraid of annoy you. Some girls will be offended if a serviceman wants to pay the bill, you know we’re walking on like thin ice all the time. Now we don’t know where you’re coming from and so there’s a graciousness to that which is just let it sit there until he grabs it and when he grabs it. Oh, how neat of you? How? Oh that’s nice! I really appreciate that you know i’m kind of old-fashioned. I really like that. Yes accompany. Yes, it’s a soft touch. It’S a soft touch, sacrificing him subtle messages of where you come from, and it won’t be offensive to you and two. It feels is right to you. Adults. Don’T recognise how intimacy flourishes , nor do girls it’s when a serviceman done something for you. That’S how your estrogen elevations come near. It’S not you doing things for him. If you’re doing things for him, it’s not you’re. Now the man you don’t want to pursue the man. Now you get to some of these men are just oh they’re, insecure, you know , nobody’s perfect freedom, and so they don’t pursue you. So you are willing to a guy because i said don’t pursue servicemen, but you are interested in a guy you can pursue by being. What’S what i call in my date volume, i have a book announced taints venus on a appointment, so when you’re the dating process, we’ll link to that very tips, okay, so but it’s called proceptivity proceptivity is letting him know you’re asserting yourself, giving him know in certain Ways that you’re approachable to him that if he was to ask you on a date, you’d say yes, if you want to kiss me i’m open to that okay, so you should do that. You know it used to be enough at that. You “ve known you” meet some guy, a nice date and you sort of look towards him and look up at him like that, and that entails, if you caress me it’s okay, but guys “il be going”. Why is she staring at me? So you are well aware so you you have to kind of. Let them know give them little tips. You know it’s okay. You know i like that, just something like that, so time move a little closer and a little closer, a little closer yeah yeah. We didn’t get the message you have to realize we’re, so you are well aware really on the other extreme we’re like these bad chaps now you know and it’s we’re afraid, we’re afraid of doing the wrong thing or stroking you’re saying the wrong thing. Of trend, then, there’s some humanities that aren’t they’re so old-fashioned that that what you do then, is you laugh at them. Well, that’s kind of old-fashioned. Well, that’s kind of farcical, and, and what you need to know is that when you’re, when you’re in the dating situation and you’re the status of women, this is how attraction changes in a health behavior. First, in your recollection, you find him safe. You find him interesting, his good character, qualifications and one of them is, he makes a living he’s not dependent on you for fund. That’S actually very important. It’S not the absolute important, but you are well aware maybe he’s a super, talented creator and precisely doesn’t know how to make money, and you happen to be an heiress to a great fortune. You could. You could have a great relationship with him as long as you used him. Certainly not for money, but you used him for psychological fulfillment, sure so yeah and that’s where this whole key, i’m talking about intimacy, is getting lovers to do things for you and then going in signature. If you’re on your male feature, more important is not him doing things for you or supplying things for you, it’s going to be a kind of emotional support and that’s the feeling. Mate thing we’re all looking for is where you can feel i can bear my being and one is. I can express my opinion safely. Then i can ask for what i require and get it practice asking for things, and then i can discover more intimately the various kinds of feelings inside that i wouldn’t tell anybody about. Okay, that that’s real intimacy, yeah, that’s the preface to sex identify sexuality is, is showing your organization that you don’t demo to everybody else. Generally speaking, brides wear invests and they disguise from they’re bury. You know, basically, i’m afraid of anybody. Judging me and acrimony , not realise me as beautiful, but i trust you so i’m going to get naked with you well before. If you want as you get older, maybe you don’t want to be so naked, but you want to be emotionally naked. That’S what keeps the passion alive and i’ll really throw in since i i got to that place about our forms as we get older. Well, we are familiar ladies feel less and less beautiful on many levels because they don’t look like those young 24 year olds. They used to be the skin’s, so smooth, the body’s, so supple and all those things what you have to understand is subjects. If you’re, the only naked bride in the area to him you’re a million horses, we don’t have of the judgments of you as soon as we get turned on. We don’t adjudicate your form in any way, especially if we love you, the the fornication inclination, realise you into a goddess. You you just can’t imagine you can’t even ever imagine how stunning it is just like i could not imagine you know you see you visualize. In hollywood, are you you see around the world, sometimes in brand-new york and where you get these rich men and they’re overweight, and yet ladies desire them? It’S the influence. Okay power is an aphrodisiac and what is the power? It makes she’s safe right. When the status of women feels safe in the fact that there are a boy, then suddenly her estrogen tiers go, i’m safe and estrogen goes up. I can is dependent upon him to protect me. It’S a very deep, deep thing, so you were able to care less how good he appears. As a matter of fact, these moderately boys, often ladies, aren’t turned on to them. It’S tournament, too much competition he’s looking at himself. I miss him looking at me, but what you have to know is that when you’re, the uh precisely your mas, your femininity, your love to man, if you’re, the only woman in the area now outside that area, he may be looking at other women all the time. But he’s not imagine i want to marry them he’s , not reputing. I want to be in a relationship with them and when he has you naked, he doesn’t think about those other women and if he does they pass through. But it’s literally “youre ever” it and you can’t imagine that you just have to believe it and i’ll tell you the funny story where i learned this. I was shopping for my wife at victoria’s mystery and invited the person at the bar. Tell me any funny floors. You’Ve learn – and she says this is the abruptly form: three overweight, 65 to 75 year old dames are now in doing two of them doing their functional white-hot underwear. They go up and a big large-hearted bra and then the other one is we’re buying negligees and sex underwear and lace, and all that and the other two women look at her with disgust and say what are you, what are you putting that on you’re old you’re Fat you’re not sexy. What do you think you’re doing and the status of women with confidence says you don’t understand men when you’re the only naked woman in the apartment to him yeah a million bucks. Exactly remember that, because you need to to be attractive, you have to have confidence that i deserve to be loved, so you turn the illuminates down. You put on some sexy drapes and you slowly take them off and then let it be a gradual thing so that you feel he’s enough to get aroused. He has to have his erecting and then you’re a goddess, but it takes time for that to happen. Okay, so many dames are gon na really absolutely love hearing what you just said, because that is that is so immense. You know, and i get it on this canal. Of route, all the time, through the comments and some of the programming we do is the the lack of confidence, a loss of confidence. It’S it’s it’s sad, it’s very sad, uh we’re starting to come again. I want to be really respectful of your time. I could talk to you forever, there’s so many other topics, i’d love to explore with you uh, but getting back out there. I want to go back to one thing that you said about dames not engaging humen, but is that true how else on dating areas are you saying females not offset the first move, or are you just saying formerly such relationships once “youre starting” not to well the Nice thing about dating sites is, you can be proceptive by sending a message to a person? That’S all merely a short message, and so is free. If you’re in, if you’re, in a public statu uh, what you do is you have a card and you say call me, give him the choice to call him now that you’re afraid well what if he doesn’t call you well he’s just not into you yeah, then So you gaunt na you, mostly that’s your first move and he says call you know, that’s you realizing move towards him. So if he says here’s, my multitude entitle me, you say no, here’s! My number, “youre calling” me, okay, you don’t announce him, he calls you and to be recognised that followers will do this. They will get close to you and have a wonderful evening with you and then they don’t think about you for various weeks and you’ll. Take that personally, because you’re thinking did you like me, did you not like me what’s going on because you tend to bond more he ligament and then, when soldiers ligament their rubber bands, they have to pull away so then, where reference is gathers away while he’s away? If you say what’s wrong with you, why didn’t you call me and slap his hand for that? He keeps plucking away and a lot of men formerly two weeks pass they’re kind of like oh my gosh. If i call her she’s going to be pissed off at me for not calling back because women often are like what am i zero, you didn’t want to call me. You didn’t talk to me again so and often they’ll say right after a time, they’ll say: oh, i can’t wait to talk to you again because they feel you wanting to hear that, but then they they need their duration. The opening to notice. To “ve been thinking about” you be borne in mind you, and that will eventually happen once his testosterone comes back up, it’s already happening for you a daytime the next day later. What do you think about that music? It starts more of a longing inside of you where reference is pulls away at that point and he’s not feeling that longing until his testosterone comes back up. He announces you up and you slap his hand he’s had that happen, so he doesn’t call you back. So here’s what you do you send it wait a week and then you send a little indicate. Just a little note, little text just say: hey “ve been thinking about” you. I was just at such and such so so we had so much fun. That was it just thinking about you, that’s all and then show picture of you having fun. He recollects. Oh, this is a woman who has fun. This is a woman who’s happy. I need a fortunate girl in my life because men are drawn to wanting to prepare gals happier. That’S our goal in animation, our goal in being, whether we know it or not, is to see females happy, but actually it’s to procreate her happier, because you can’t make a woman happy. You can only make her was all right if you don’t know how to allow her to find her happiness, one dating tip-off. I know our time is coming to and i want to race it pinch it in here when you date. This is my basic thing. I say it over and over create a series of positive, dating knows without looking for a soul mate without looking for the right man, it’s very important. If you come to my house, for example, you’ll see it’s beautiful and i’ll, give you a tour of all the art and everything okay enormous. But if you come to my house and you want to buy it, you’re going to look for the faucets use. Does the what’s the gas legislation? What’S the water greenback? What’S it take to maintain the garden? Does it have mold in it? Are there cracks in the foundation? Your brain goes into a bias of focusing on negativity when you’re looking to buy something just know. You can’t help it so don’t go looking for the right man you just wanted to. You want to go for somebody who’s going to pay for dinner, for you you want to. If i’m talking to women – and then you want to merely you – have an attraction towards a woman get to enjoy her spirit when you’re doing things for her there’s nothing better for men’s testosterone to do something for a woman and have her say what a satisfy to Be with you, i’m so lucky to have met you. Oh that’s! So, nice of you! Oh thank you so much. You know it’s feeling that you make a difference, and women can do that in a huge way for a person, but this the thing is, he needs to have a job he needs to keep working. He need to use. Even if it’s philanthropy employ he’s got plenty of coin. What is he doing to feel good , not dependent on my spouse, otherwise you’re sitting around depending on each other for too much? It departs dead right well in that regard, and to close it out. How would you caution guys on that, though, because you might be surprised if, while this channel is supposed to was originally a program for women, we have almost a 70 male gathering: okay, superb all right! So now here’s how it goes and that’s men having more estrogen and more relation oriented okay, so here’s a game you can play this is for both women and men. Okay, it’s a game! You can play for balancing your hormones. You need to get your testosterone levels up boys. You need your cave term. You need to get away from her. Do things with other guys literally go out of the house. Go play golf uh, you know, proceed drive your gondola driving your auto is a really good thing uh, particularly if you don’t have to talk while you’re doing it have a hobby. Your hobbies that are not dependent on your wife’s approval to feel good in any way. Then you’ll miss your wife. More bring your testosterone up then go play this game, so the game is called the genie in the bottle. The genie in the bottle is for 20 minutes you’re. The genie now genies are all powerful, am thinking the chap who stands there. Like mr empty, i can do anything for you, you as you wish. I will provide anything you require so for 20 minutes, she’s not allowed to is everything for herself if she wants to eat, “youve got to” feed her and she and you don’t feed her unless she asks you pick up your broccoli. I, like some broccoli now or clean up the kitchen. Would you move the meals now? Would you move that box over here gon na go in the garage or clean off that shelf? Would you move that now “youve got to” for 20 minutes a humankind is likely to be. I am your genie, i’m, like you know, i think of myself when i play it, i’m various kinds of like the first class attendant. You know when i get in first class in an airplane – oh mr gray, you’re here, dr gray, so nice to have you back. What would you like i’m here for you the whole time time give me a little call you guys. I don’t need anything but still they’re, so loving right. So that’s who you are you’re the genie in the bottle. She has to rub the bottle, which conveys she has to ask for help. Everything is she has to ask for help? She can’t do anything for herself for 20 minutes now. You don’t ask for help like and ever remember, to turn the lights out or ever remember to do this. That’S outside the 20 -minute limit so and when i teach this, i’m teaching it to women, but also i’m teaching it of both men and often sometimes “theyre saying” well. What’S a good employ for men, i say that is the exercise for men. Men want to feel successful in such relationships, and it’s her gratify and it’s her joyfulnes when he does these interesting thing for her, as opposes it our conditioning is we have to do big things and not little things. Little things is nothing. It’S frightening. It’S alter. I shed my mutate away. What do i need? A little reform for women need the little modify the things you did when you were poor, the things you did when you were beginning the relationship. Those are the things that actually stimulate estrogen, “the worlds largest” so for the men to understand. This is core basic groundwork, understanding for women to be happy. They need estrogen. If a woman has low-spirited estrogen, you can give her 50. Heightens are one rose and it will have no effect. Okay, if she has normal estrogen, you pass her 50 roses. Her estrogen will spike and she’ll pas. Oh that’s! So, delightful. If she has normal estrogen hold her one rose and it will spike the same, so large-hearted or little you’ll get a big estrogen response. If you have no estrogen in her, then you do. You have to slowly build it up by do more things. If you do 50 roses, you get a little spike. If you do one rise, you get a little spike. So do one rise one grip one compliment one noticing her one desire. One plan a period, one caller during the day one send her a verse. One send her a word-painting. One take a picture. Taking a scene is a big thing more. I want to remember this moment. Click click click. You know all these things improved her estrogen where she goes, i’m being consider, i’m being heard, i’m being supported. Ask her about her era when she talks, don’t talk when she talks say something like promotion me is clear that better, that’s a billion dollar phrase help me understand that better and then what else really tell me more every time she reforms the subject: estrogen’s going higher and Higher and higher – and you had no idea a mortal ponders. Oh, i did this big thing. It should be worth three weeks of estrogen. No, it’s just one little stage lots of little things, and this is and it’s not the big stuff, it’s a little trash and then go to your cave. You still get your cave duration, but make her know that when you’re in your cave, if ever she needs assistant, she can interrupt you. If you need – and women should know that, and if he’s staying too long in the cave, how do you get him out of the cave? Because the woman say how do i get him out of the cave? Don’T make him precisely sit in there? Let him sit in there because once he’s happy, he doesn’t move okay, being we’ll just say this feels good i’ll, just stay here, so you say when you’re out of your cave or when you’re not doing anything or when you get a chance , no push. When you get a chance, i need your help. The magical word every man late inside wants to be a helper and if he doesn’t it’s because he’s never come paid well, that’s i love it. I desire it john. I i again i could talk to you forever. I know you’ve got other people lined up here. After me, it was an absolute loved, we’re patently going to link to all your volumes uh, extremely the beyond defaces and venus, which you’ve revised since uh. You know the iconic liberation of men are from spoils. Women are from venus, and i hope that i’ll have another chance to get you back on now, because there’s a pair things that i was. I want to talk to you about some more so well. The first thing you said: i just wanted to remind everybody. If you don’t want to repeat the same pattern, you have to recognize how you contributed to the problems, because it’s so easy to say: well, he’s their own problems or she’s their own problems, and that’s why i purposed the relationship. No, it’s both of us were their own problems. Then you have a chance to start making a new kind of relationship great well, and on that record john , thank you so much and i hope to see you again soon on 2nd play. Tv if there’s a topic that you’d like to have us cover. Please visit our website 2ndact. tv. We have a little red suggestion box on the upper right hand, reces of our site, just click on that drop us an email, we’d love to hear from you see you next time.

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